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Joe Biden, 81, is just trying to stay alive until Election Day, and has made a number of behavioral adjustments to increase his life expectancy. Most of these adjustments are designed to mitigate the risk of falls, which are the leading cause of injury-related death in Americans over the age of 65. In addition to using the short stairs to get on and off Air Force One, Biden has started wearing stability-enhancing sneakers instead of dress shoes to accommodate his "stiffened gait," as noted by the president's doctor in his annual physical.

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Biden was recently spotted wearing a pair of black Hoka Transport sneakers with a suit. While most fashion experts consider this combo an abomination, Politico described it as "another concession to comfort necessitated by age," as well as the lingering soreness in the foot he broke while playing with one of his dogs several weeks before taking office. The Hoka shoes boast a seal of approval from the American Podiatric Medical Association and are highly praised by senior citizens, pregnant women, and injury-prone individuals.

"I am [a] 67 year old lady who loves to hike!" Emmy from Plano, Texas, wrote on the Hoka website. "They were outstanding in stability and comfort." Another satisfied customer from Florida, who wrote that her husband who "has a slight edema and has had difficult[y] with one leg," said the shoes were "the best that he has ever worn in 75 years." Others praised the "excellent traction" the shoes offer, particularly for "mature feet" and "old lady knees."

Jazz from South Carolina wrote: "I'm 5 months pregnant and needed an 'All day' shoe. I went a half size up for swelling and pregnancy foot growth. I especially love the fact I don't have to tie my shoes." Indeed, one of the main selling points for the Hoka Transport is the "quick-toggle lace" system that makes the shoes easy to slip on and off, especially for senior citizens and obese individuals who struggle to bend over. "These are the best sneakers for an active fat guy," wrote Hack from Texas. Daisy from Los Angeles also raved about the Transports: "I take care of my elderly mom and these new shoes are helping both of us. Thank you!"

Biden's new shoes may increase his chances of surviving until Election Day, but at what cost? They are hideous and clunky, especially when paired with a suit. They convey weakness and decline, an open invitation to America's enemies to attack. Our country deserves so much better.

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