CBS’s Stephen Colbert reacted to President Joe Biden’s decision to end his re-election bid on Monday’s edition of The Late Show by gushing over his supposedly “great” presidency, retiring “Joe Biden is old" jokes, and doing a happy dance because he has hope again.

The fawning began even before Colbert took the stage, as the cold open included a montage of clips of everything from SpongeBob to Top Gun: Maverick as a salute to Biden. Once Colbert took the stage, Colbert got in on the saluting, “President Joe Biden has dropped out of the 2024 presidential race. I mean, it's shocking, but this makes sense. It'll give him time to rest up for 2028. And I, for one, I want to salute this good man for the selfless act of stepping aside from being the most powerful person in the world for the greater good.”

 

 

Colbert almost had a bit of self-awareness as he continued, “This act, I believe that this act puts Joe Biden in league with history's most selfless leaders, Roman General Cincinnatus, the father of our country, George Washington, and Kim Cattrall, who has stepped down as Samantha after Pelosi showed her the polls.”

However, the idea that Biden is stepping aside because of a good-old-fashioned political power play and not Washingtonian selflessness was quickly cast aside, “Courage, grace, right? You don't see that every day. Courage, grace, humility, true patriotism. I tell you one thing: That guy would make a great president.”

 

 

Later, Colbert recalled, “Speaking personally, I am going to miss Joe Biden. On this very program, right over there, on September 10, 2015, I encouraged then-Vice President Biden to run. He ignored me for five years, then he did it. And I believe he has been a great president. He steered this country out of a horrific pandemic. He saved countless lives by encouraging people to get vaccinated, he brought the economy back, he rallied our allies, he reasserted America's place in the world stage, and most inspiring of all, at no time was he Donald Trump.”

With “The Battle Hymn of the Republic” playing in the background, he continued, “So, to honor this great president, tonight I have officially retired my Joe Biden aviators. They will reside there on my shelf forever, in a place of honor, next to Captain America's shield. They, those aviators, did the hardest job of all. They made it seem like I had a Joe Biden impression.”

 

 

While holding a binder that read “Joe Biden Old” on it, Colbert added, “I am officially retiring all of my 'Joe Biden is old' jokes. Okay, they started to get tired anyway, just like Joe Biden. That was the last one, I swear! Now, I'm going to unretire them to use on Donald Trump, who at 78, is the oldest nominee of the two major parties to ever run” as he turned the binder around to read “Donald Trump Old.”

As for Harris, Colbert oozed, “Shortly after Biden posted his letter to the nation, he made another announcement to the Democratic Party endorsing Kamala Harris. And Harris was quick to accept, writing in a statement, ‘I am honored, and my intention is to earn and win this nomination,’ and changed her Twitter banner to ‘Harris for President’ and then so did Joe Biden.”

With a less old Democratic nominee, Colbert got a burst of energy, “What is this strange feeling? It's like my blood is flowing again. For the first time in months, I don't want to build a little pillow fort and crawl in there with a hoagie and a tub of frosting. Is this excitement? Is this hope? Is there any way to physically embody this feeling?”

After a video of Harris dancing, Colbert did his own version of the dance, “This is the dance of a man who finally has something new to talk about after five years!” 

Here is a transcript for the July 22 show:

CBS The Late Show with Stephen Colbert

7/22/2024

11:37 PM ET

STEPHEN COLBERT: President Joe Biden has dropped out of the 2024 presidential race. I mean, it's shocking, but this makes sense. It'll give him time to rest up for 2028. And I, for one, I want to salute this good man for the selfless act of stepping aside from being the most powerful person in the world for the greater good. 

This act, I believe that this act puts Joe Biden in league with history's most selfless leaders, Roman General Cincinnatus, the father of our country, George Washington, and Kim Cattrall, who has stepped down as Samantha after Pelosi showed her the polls. 

Biden made this historic announcement in a letter that said, "It has been the greatest honor of my life to serve as your president." Adding, "I believe it is in the best interest of my party and the country for me to stand down and to focus solely on fulfilling my duties as president for the remainder of my term." 

There it is. Courage, grace, right? You don't see that every day. Courage, grace, humility, true patriotism. I tell you one thing: That guy would make a great president. 

…

Speaking personally, I am going to miss Joe Biden. On this very program, right over there, on September 10, 2015, I encouraged then-Vice President Biden to run. He ignored me for five years, then he did it. And I believe he has been a great president. He steered this country out of a horrific pandemic. He saved countless lives by encouraging people to get vaccinated, he brought the economy back, he rallied our allies, he reasserted America's place in the world stage, and most inspiring of all, at no time was he Donald Trump. 

So, to honor this great president, tonight I have officially retired my Joe Biden aviators. ["Battle Hymn of the Republic" humming in the background] They will reside there on my shelf forever, in a place of honor, next to Captain America's shield. They, those aviators, did the hardest job of all. [humming stops] They made it seem like I had a Joe Biden impression. 

But I do not have a Kamala Harris impression, so she's wearing aviators too. "Hey, everybody. I'm Kamala Harris. I'm gonna be your president, Jack." We're working on it! And tonight, if I can have this, please. If I can have this please, I am officially retiring all of my "Joe Biden is old" jokes. Okay, they started to get tired anyway, just like Joe Biden. That was the last one, I swear! Now, I'm going to unretire them to use on Donald Trump, who at 78, is the oldest nominee of the two major parties to ever run.

I mean, that guy is so old, he used to judge the Miss Pangea agent. When he was a kid, his phone number was 8.

Shortly after Biden posted his letter to the nation, he made another announcement to the Democratic Party endorsing Kamala Harris. And Harris was quick to accept, writing in a statement, "I am honored, and my intention is to earn and win this nomination," and changed her Twitter banner to "Harris for President" and then so did Joe Biden. What is this?

What is this strange feeling? It's like my blood is flowing again. For the first time in months, I don't want to build a little pillow fort and crawl in there with a hoagie and a tub of frosting. Is this excitement? Is this hope? Is there any way to physically embody this feeling?  [video of Kamala Harris dancing] This is the dance of a man who finally has something new to talk about after five years!