Comedy Central’s The Daily Show brought out all the cringe on Thursday as temp host Michael Kosta labeled a recent Fox Business segment between Mark Simone and Larry Kudlow discussing abortion as “a ridiculous embarrassment.” That led him to do a sketch with Jordan Klepper where the two pretended to be stereotypical macho men who claimed to be pro-life, but also didn’t know how babies are made or what an abortion is.

Kosta wrapped up the straightforward monologue on the FBN segment by introducing the sketch, “Now, a panel of men talking about abortion might seem like a ridiculous embarrassment for everyone involved, but I actually think it's a great idea for our new segment, ‘Men talk about abortion.’" 

Kosta talks about abortion all the time, so he really means pro-life men discussing abortion. Still, complete with bad wigs and fake cigars, he asked, “Alright, let's get right to it, man to man. What's your solution for abortion?”

 

 

Referencing remarks Simone made in the clip, Klepper replied, “Okay, easy peasy, lemon squeezy. Alright, if a woman needs an abortion, she should just take the bus to a state where it's legal. 

After claiming that having had some testicular injury qualifies him to render such judgments, Kosta added that “I know it's frustrating for women, but we can't all—we have rights some places and other places we don't. For example, I'm not allowed to go to the Epcot food court anymore because apparently you can't ‘Do that’ to the funnel cakes. I mean, Double standards? Double standards?”

Klepper also urged women to accept their stance, “Look, look, women are making too big a deal about all of this. Look, I've never had to walk through a line of protesters to get basic health care, but I have had to make eye contact with the woman at Walgreens while buying a pack of slim-fit Trojan condoms! So, sometimes you got to get past feeling judged, ladies!”

Kosta affirmed Klepper and wondered, “You are brave, my broham and by the way, what about the father's rights?... Right! Are you a father?”

Klepper declared that he wasn’t because “I haven't quite figured out how it works yet. I do know boobs are involved, though, you know. How about you?" 

Not only did Kosta report not being a father, he claimed to not be able to find a date, “Yeah, I haven't found the right lady. I was in a relationship for several years, but she turned out to be a raccoon and she tricked me out of my credit card!”

Starting to break character, Klepper relayed a similar expierence, “Tale as old as time period, player, tale as old as time. In fact, my ex was three possums in a trench coat! Just, you know—point is—point is when it comes to women's rights, we get it!”

Wrapping it up, Kosta finally asked, “What is an abortion?”

Klepper again pleaded ignorance, “Not a clue. Not a clue. But, but, but, I think the boobs are once again involved.” 

The inverse of “it’s funny because it’s true” is “it’s not funny because it’s not true,” and this bit about pro-life men being irredeemably dumb fails because pro-life men are keenly aware of what abortion is and how babies are made.

Here is a transcript for the April 11 show:

Comedy Central The Daily Show

4/11/2024

11:06 PM ET

MICHAEL KOSTA: Now, a panel of men talking about abortion might seem like a ridiculous embarrassment for everyone involved, but I actually think it's a great idea for our new segment, "Men talk about abortion." 

KOSTA [IN CHARACTER]: Yeah, yeah, alright! alright, you know it! Yeah! Joining me now is my main bro, my main man, you’re just like me, aren’t you? Yeah.

JORDAN KLEPPER [IN CHARACTER]: Yeah, I sure am, a big old man! Huh, just watch me open this jar! I'll finish it later! 

KOSTA: No, you softened it up, you softened it up, big dog. Alright, let's get right to it, man to man. What's your solution for abortion? 

KLEPPER: Okay, easy peasy, lemon squeezy. Alright—

KOSTA: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

KLEPPER: — If a woman needs an abortion, she should just take the bus to a state where it's legal. 

KOSTAL Okay.

KLEPPER: Look, obviously I've never had to travel out of state for an abortion but I did accidently hit myself in the balls trying to double knot my deck shoes. I cried so hard they helicoptered me into a hospital in the next state, I was fine!

KOSTA: Couldn’t agree more, chief. Couldn’t agree more, chief.  Women should just take the bus ride or just give birth. And look, I've never given birth. 

KLEPPER: Of course not, but you would crush it if you did! I mean, you would crush it.

KOSTA: I would crush it. You know I would! Hey look, I know it's frustrating for women, but we can't all — we have rights some places and other places we don't. For example, I'm not allowed to go to the Epcot food court anymore because apparently you can't "Do that" to the funnel cakes. I mean, Double standards? Double standards? Yeah, yeah,

KLEPPER: Double standard! Double standard, Double standard. Look, look, women are making too big a deal about all of this. Look, I've never had to walk through a line of protesters to get basic health care, but I have had to make eye contact with the woman at Walgreens while buying a pack of slim-fit Trojan condoms! So, sometimes you got to get past feeling judged, ladies! 

KOSTA: You’re brave. 

KLEPPER: Thank you.

KOSTA: You are brave, my broham and by the way, what about the father's rights? 

KLEPPER: Oh, the fathers have to have rights! 

KOSTA: Right! Are you a father?

KLEPPER: I am not a father! No, I would like to be, but I haven't quite figured out how it works yet. 

KOSTA: Okay, okay.

KLEPPER: I do know boobs are involved, though, you know. How about you? 

KOSTA: Yeah, I haven't found the right lady. I was in a relationship for several years but she turned out to be a raccoon and she tricked me out of my credit card! 

KLEPPER: Tale as old as time period, player, tale as old as time. In fact, my ex was three possums in a trench coat! Just, you know — point is — point is when it comes to women's rights, we get it! 

Michael: We! Get! It! Alright, before we go, quick question: What is an abortion? 

KLEPPER: Not a clue. Not a clue. But, but, but, I think the boobs are once again involved.