NBC’s Seth Meyers wrapped up his final pre-election episode of Late Night by claiming Republicans’ only argument against Kamala Harris is that she has a “laugh they don't like.” By contrast, Meyers then launched into a three-and-a-half-minute long list of reasons to not vote for Donald Trump. The list included some jokey bits like Trump “couldn't figure out how to close an umbrella,” but also some grave distortions of Trump’s record on the economy.

At the end of his “Closer Look” segment, Meyers concluded, “So, that's the choice Republicans want to present to you. That's their closing message: are going to vote for a woman whose laugh they don't like, or are you going to vote for a guy who fomented a violent coup attempt after a months’ long campaign to overturn the 2020 election, undercut the nation's response to a deadly pandemic that spiraled out of control because he tried to cover it up, lied about its severity.”

 

 

Meyers was just getting started. He also claimed that Trump “became the first president since Herbert Hoover to oversee a net job loss,” but didn’t care to mention those losses came about as a result of the lockdowns that liberals like Meyers demanded.

Speaking of punishing Trump for enacting COVID policies he demanded, Meyers later added, “The national debt rose by $8 trillion.”

Of course, Meyers also had to play the fascist card, “His national security adviser called him a dope. His secretary of State called him a moron, his chief of staff called him an idiot and a fascist who said nice things about Hitler and Hitler’s generals. He suggested shooting protesters in the legs to his secretary of Defense, he reportedly suggested executing rivals and staffers for leaking information. The former chairman of the joint chiefs of staff called him a fascist to the core.”

Meyers also recalled how Trump “curtailed access to birth control, picked a running mate who mocked childless cat ladies, creeped out everyone when he tried to order donuts, was accused of having sex with a couch, which he did not do, even though he might have, but he didn't, but maybe he did, but he definitely did not.”

First, by “curtailed access to birth control,” Meyers means that Trump did the very unfascist thing of expanding religious and moral exemptions for birth control mandates. Second, the Vance-couch bit just proves that, for the left, some bits of disinformation are better than others.

Meyers concluded his list by lamenting the state of the polls, “Said Kamala Harris happened to turn black, claimed his crowd on January 6th was bigger than Martin Luther King's ‘I have a dream’ speech, was banned for doing business in the state of New York for three years, and just recently posed for the single worst photo of any human being that has ever been taken on the face of the [bleep] planet. So, you know, it's a toss-up.”

Addressing anyone watching, Meyers hoped, “I've been talking about this man for nearly a decade now as evidenced by the fact that everyone I just listed is in my brain still somehow. The symptoms that gave rise to him will not immediately go away if he loses tomorrow, but we do have an opportunity to say as a nation that we want him to go away, and I really hope that happens.”

If the election goes against Meyers and Harris, it won’t be because of her laugh. Rather, it will be that nobody believed her sudden conversion to centrism was genuine or they associate her with Joe Biden’s economic, border security, and foreign policy record and view Trump’s as superior.

Here is a transcript for the November 4-taped show:

NBC Late Night with Seth Meyers

11/5/2024

12:58 AM ET

SETH MEYERS: So, that's the choice Republicans want to present to you. That's their closing message: are going to vote for a woman whose laugh they don't like, or are you going to vote for a guy who fomented a violent coup attempt after a months’ long campaign to overturn the 2020 election, undercut the nation's response to a deadly pandemic that spiraled out of control because he tried to cover it up, lied about its severity. 

Promoted sham treatments for it, said we could cure it by injecting disinfectant, and shining powerful lights inside the body, became the first president since Herbert Hoover to oversee a net job loss, couldn't figure out how to close an umbrella, cosplayed as a sanitation worker, even though he almost fell while getting into the truck and pretended to work at McDonald's even though he couldn't remember what the fryer was called, laughed about firing striking workers with the richest man alive, bragged about refusing to pay overtime and said, "I don't want a poor person running the economy," oversaw an increase in corporate profits while manufacturing jobs declined, presided over an unprecedented spike in crime while home prices rose by 30 percent.

The national debt rose by $8 trillion, and the number of Americans without health insurance rose by three million. Tried to rip health care away from over 20 million Americans, but reassured everyone by saying he had concepts of a plan, told a story about the size of a dead golfer's penis, regaled boy scouts with stories of sexy yacht parties, humped the American flag not once, but multiple times. 

Told women he would protect them whether they liked it or not, and would put a man who is investigated for cutting off the head of a whale with a chainsaw in charge of vaccines and women's health. 

Insulted service members, feuded with gold star families, and violated federal law by staging a campaign event at a hallowed military cemetery, doctored a weather map with a sharpie to lie about the path of a hurricane, threw paper towels at hurricane victims, hosted a speaker at a rally who called Puerto Rico a floating island of garbage, claimed windmills cause cancer and killed whales, said you had to flush toilets 15 times, called Hannibal Lecter a lovely man. 

His national security adviser called him a dope. His secretary of State called him a moron, his chief of staff called him an idiot and a fascist who said nice things about Hitler and Hitler’s generals. He suggested shooting protesters in the legs to his secretary of Defense, he reportedly suggested executing rivals and staffers for leaking information.

The former chairman of the joint chiefs of staff called him a fascist to the core. He took millions from foreign officials, including a possible $10 million bribe from Egypt, his lawyers gave a press conference at a landscaping company. He lost the popular vote twice, got impeached twice, got indicted four times and was found guilty of 34 felony counts, falsifying business records to pay hush money to a porn star.

He asked a crowd whether they'd rather be electrocuted or eaten by a shark. He possibly farted and definitely fell asleep in court, bragged about overturning Roe v. Wade, called himself the father of IVF, while admitting he didn't know what IVF was. Called the CEO of Apple Tim Apple. 

Misspelled his wife's name and his own name, said Nikki Haley was Speaker of the House on January 6th, claimed the price of bacon goes up because the wind doesn't blow, got on Air Force One with toilet paper stuck to his shoe. Became the first president in history to stare directly at an eclipse, melted down at a presidential debate where he claimed migrants were eating dogs, spread lies about the federal government's response to a hurricane that caused FEMA workers to relocate due to threats, dances like he's punching a ghost, held a hate-filled rally at Madison Square Garden, stole classified documents, obstructed attempts to get them back.

Called climate change a hoax, proposed tariffs that economists say would increase prices and crater the economy, halted an equal pay rule for women, curtailed access to birth control, picked a running mate who mocked childless cat ladies, creeped out everyone when he tried to order donuts, was accused of having sex with a couch, which he did not do, even though he might have, but he didn't, but maybe he did, but he definitely did not.

Said Kamala Harris happened to turn black, claimed his crowd on January 6th was bigger than Martin Luther King's "I have a dream" speech, was banned for doing business in the state of New York for three years, and just recently posed for the single worst photo of any human being that has ever been taken on the face of the [bleep] planet. So, you know, it's a toss-up.

I'm talking about this man. I've been talking about this man for nearly a decade now as evidenced by the fact that everyone I just listed is in my brain still somehow. The symptoms that gave rise to him will not immediately go away if he loses tomorrow, but we do have an opportunity to say as a nation that we want him to go away, and I really hope that happens. Mainly so I never have to think about this ever again.