To close out their campaign, the Democratic ticket of Kamala Harris and Tim Walz decided that late night comedy shows would be the best forum for their final pleas to voters ahead of Election Day. As Harris traveled to NBC and Saturday Night Live, Walz was joined in Pennsylvania by CBS’s Stephen Colbert for Monday’s edition of The Late Show for one last “pep talk” and softball interview.

For it’s part, SNL brought back the Jimmy Fallon-Donald Trump mirror skit with Harris impersonator Maya Rudolph beginning, “Wow. Well, this is it. The last campaign stop in Pennsylvania. Gosh, I just, I wish I could talk to someone who's been in my shoes, you know, a black, South Asian woman running for president. Preferably from the Bay Area.”

 

 

After an extended applause for her appearance, the real Harris agreed, “You and me both, sister.”

Real Harris then pretended to give Fake Harris a pep talk that was really just a jab at Trump, “It is nice to see you, Kamala. And I'm just here to remind you, you got this. Because you can do something your opponent cannot do. You can open doors.”

Rudolph explained, “I see what you did there. Like to a garbage truck, right?”

Following several Kamala puns, the duo did a bit that Rudolph began with “We know each other so well, we even finish each other's” as both added, “Belief in the promise of America.”

Harris then joined Rudolph on the other side of the fake mirror with the latter explaining to the audience, “Exactly. Now come on. Let's bring it in. I got to tell myself something over here. Come here. I want to tell you something. I'm going to vote for us.”

A couple of nights later, Colbert was lobbing softballs to Walz, “Throughout the campaign, we’ve gotten to know you and your family, you and your wife, Gwen, have been married for 30 years… When you met, who made the first move?”

After Walz recalled he did, Colbert asked, “As a Minnesotan, would you call your wife a hot dish?”

 

 

Later, Colbert got more serious. Clearly worried about the state of the polls, Colbert asked, “Why do you think this is still so close? Does that mystify you?”

Walz claimed it doesn’t, but “it disappoints me, I think, because I think the choice is so stark, but it's not surprising. The country is really divided. There's been a group of people out there who figured that out and they've done a wonderful job of making people think it doesn't matter. Everybody’s the same and in this case, you've got the Constitution versus not the Constitution. You got reproductive rights versus ‘I don't care if you like it or not, I'll tell you what to do’ from Donald Trump.’”

Following Walz’s lamentations, Colbert moved back to the unserious questions, “What's your guilty pleasure when you're looking, something to relax you, because I love—I like watching metal lathing, like you know, computer-designed metal lathing or—”

 

 

Walz would interrupt to take the duo down a carpet cleaning rabbit hole. Finally, after a game of table football, Colbert would open up the floor one last time, “Coach, this is the night before the election… So, let's bring it in, coach, for one final pep talk to the voters out there maybe haven't made up their mind and if you can give that pep talk using as many of these sports clichés as possible, that would be great.”

No Democratic pitch would be complete without some doommongering about the end of democracy, so after the forced sports clichés Colbert demanded, Walz added, “Look, democracy is at stake here. We have an opportunity to bring this country together… We've got the best candidate, we got the best quarterback out there in Kamala Harris. We know their game plan of Project 2025 isn't going to be good for any of us, and so creating an opportunity economy, we’re going to put the ball over the goal line.”

To continue with the football theme, in this campaign, the late night comedy shows have been the cheerleaders, and it is easy to see why Harris and Walz would choose to conclude their campaign on their shows.

Here are transcripts for the November 2 and 4 shows:

NBC Saturday Night Live

11/2/2024

11:29 PM ET

MAYA RUDOLPH [AS KAMALA HARRIS]: Wow. Well, this is it. The last campaign stop in Pennsylvania. Gosh, I just, I wish I could talk to someone who's been in my shoes, you know, a black, South Asian woman running for president. Preferably from the Bay Area.

KAMALA HARRIS: You and me both, sister.

RUDOLPH: It’s nice to see you, Kamala.

HARRIS: It is nice to see you, Kamala. And I'm just here to remind you, you got this. Because you can do something your opponent cannot do. You can open doors.

RUDOLPH: I see what you did there. Like to a garbage truck, right?

HARRIS: I don't really laugh like that, do I?

RUDOLPH: A little bit. Now, Kamala, take my palmala. The American people want to stop the chaos.

HARRIS: And end the dramala.

RUDOLPH: With a cool new step mommala. Kick back in our pajamalas and watch a rom-Kamala.

HARRIS: Like Legally Blondela

RUDOLPH: And start decorating for Christmas, fa la la la la. Because what do we always say?

BOTH: Keep Kamala and carry on-a-la. 

RUDOLPH: We know each other so well, we even finish each other's—

BOTH: Belief in the promise of America.

RUDOLPH: Exactly. Now come on. Let's bring it in. I got to tell myself something over here. Come here. I want to tell you something. I'm going to vote for us.

HARRIS: Great. Any chance you are registered in Pennsylvania?

RUDOLPH: Nope, I am not.

HARRIS: Well, it was worth a shot.

BOTH: And live from New York, it's Saturday night!

***

CBS The Late Show with Stephen Colbert

11/4/2024

11:55 PM ET

STEPHEN COLBERT: Throughout the campaign we’ve gotten to know you and your family, you and your wife, Gwen, have been married for 30 years.

TIM WALZ: Yes, 30 years.

COLBERT: Here’s, I think we have a lovely photo.

WALZ: Oh, look at that.

COLBERT: When you met, who made the first move?

WALZ: I think I did. Yeah, I did. My wife and I had a classroom that was divided with a temporary divider that you can hear both sides of because we didn't have enough room in our school. It was an old band room. She was teaching English on one side, I was teaching geography on the other and she can hear a lot and she said "I'm sure that's a very interesting topic, Mr. Walz, but we’re trying to conjugate verbs over here."

COLBERT: That's how you met?

WALZ: That's how we met.

COLBERT: As a Minnesotan, would you call your wife a hot dish?

WALZ: No, I would not call her a hot dish.

COLBERT: It's a compliment.

WALZ: Yes. I've never heard it used in that context though because hot dish are pretty sacred.

…

COLBERT: This is a shot of you when it started. This is what you look like at the beginning of the campaign. You okay? You feeling alright? You feeling alright?

WALZ: I'm doing great. I’m doing great.

COLBERT: Okay, why do you think this is still so close? Does that mystify you?

WALZ: No, it disappoints me, I think, because I think the choice is so stark, but it's not surprising. The country is really divided. There's been a group of people out there who figured that out and they've done a wonderful job of making people think it doesn't matter. Everybody’s the same and in this case, you've got the Constitution versus not the Constitution. You got reproductive rights versus "I don't care if you like it or not, I'll tell you what to do" from Donald Trump. In closing with insulting people, I know we’re sitting in Pennsylvania, there's 500,000 Puerto Ricans here and Puerto Ricans, as all Americans, are very proud of where they come from.

COLBERT: Exactly, have you ever been to a Puerto Rican Day Parade, they’re very into Puerto Rico—

WALZ: They’re very into it.

COLBERT: —as well they should. The internet has doubled you America's dad. People call me that too. What's your guilty pleasure when you're looking, something to relax you, because I love —I like watching metal lathing, like you know, computer-designed metal lathing or—

WALZ: You ever seen them clean a rug?

COLBERT: Oh yeah, I suspect those rugs aren’t as dirty, naturally. Like, they dirty them up a little more.

WALZ: Yeah, because it’s filthy and you’re wondering how people can live like that.

COLBERT: Where do they keep this rug, exactly, in a junkyard? How about restoration videos where they take, like an old tool or something like that?

WALZ: Yeah.

…

COLBERT: I want to understand the policies of a future Harris-Walz administration. Please expand what an opportunity economy is, but using only car repair metaphors.

WALZ: Okay. So, your car is running a little rough. It's still running but there's things you could do. Now, if it's an older vehicle, you could get a carburetor clean. You could invest the money into a really important piece, say the carburetor being the middle class, you put a little investment into that carburetor, the entire vehicle runs better.

COLBERT: That brings oxygen into the entire system?

WALZ: Yeah, so you invest in the middle class. Now, everybody's thinking, what's the carburetor? What about the tires, the engine? All those pieces are really important too, but without the carburetor and I’ll make the case that the middle-class makes everything else work.

…

COLBERT: Let's go for the extra point. Here we go. You might want to close your eyes. Oh!

WALZ: It's good.

COLBERT: All right, all right.

WALZ: I didn’t know, you are the—

COLBERT: Coach, this is the night before the election, okay, by the time we get to this part of the interview, it's already midnight. People are already voting someplace in the United States. 

WALZ: We're already getting votes.

COLBERT: So, let's bring it in, coach, for one final pep talk to the voters out there maybe haven't made up their mind and if you can give that pep talk using as many of these sports clichés as possible, that would be great.

WALZ: All right, time to dig down deep. We know that we're in the final two minutes of this game. We are going to give 110 percent. We know we have to leave it on the field because look, democracy is at stake here. We have an opportunity to bring this country together. There's no I in country. That was good.

COLBERT: That's true. There is no I in country.

WALZ: So, look, we're going to win this thing. We've got the best candidate, we got the best quarterback out there in Kamala Harris. We know their game plan of Project 2025 isn't going to be good for any of us, and so creating an opportunity economy, we’re going to put the ball over the goal line. We're going to win this in the final minute and then we are going to celebrate come Wednesday morning with our quarterback, President Harris.