With support from voters and donors dwindling in the wake of his highly publicized poor debate performance, President Joe Biden announced he had solved his campaign's fundraising woes by becoming the new mascot for Sleepytime Tea.

Biden, who hoped the new endorsement deal would help shore up lagging donation numbers as the presidential campaign enters the home stretch, said his partnership with the tea brand was a natural fit.

"I was born for this job," Biden said when announcing the deal. "While people give me a hard time about falling asleep during meetings with... meetings with state... state heads... with head states... heads of... those folks in the meetings, my ability to fall asleep in my chair makes me the perfect mascot for... for... mascot for... Medicare... I'm sorry... Sleepytime Tea."

Campaign insiders saw the new advertising deal as a shot in the arm for Biden's staggering re-election effort. "This could be exactly what we needed," said manager Jen O'Malley Dillon. "After he had a rough night at the debate last week, we didn't know if there was anything we could do to bring our fundraising back up. Thankfully, the people at Sleepytime Tea called us at just the right time. And by 'just the right time' I mean while Joe was napping. The fact that he was asleep when they called really helped seal the deal."

At publishing time, new packaging of Sleepytime Tea featuring Biden's likeness was expected to hit store shelves by next week, giving campaign staffers plenty of time to stock up and sedate themselves on election night.


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