Rand Paul roasts ruling class in annual 'Festivus Report'
Republican Sen. Rand Paul of Kentucky posted his 10th annual "Festivus Report" on Monday, continuing his decade-long tradition of airing his grievances about government waste.
In this year's report, Paul brought in the Christmas spirit and began by laying out his complaints on all things congressional.
"It’s hard to decide where to start these grievances," Paul said in the annual thread on X. "Every year, I think, there can’t be THAT many more can there? But when you’re surrounded by people in Congress every day, it’s not a problem at all."
'I was a one-man DOGE before DOGE was a gleam in the eyes of amped-up tech executives, and new media barons got behind the idea.'
"It's hard to decide where to start this year," Paul continued. "Fauci? Maybe. He may be gone, but he's not forgotten. Biden? Which one? Harris? Trump? CONGRESS? So many targets, so little attention span this morning. It might break 40 degrees here in Kentucky today, so this might all be canceled for golf."
Paul laid into Dr. Anthony Fauci, pointing to the House's attempt to hold him accountable. Although Fauci is still "walking around a free man," Paul mentioned his incoming chairmanship on the Homeland Security and Government Affairs Committee, which has the subpoena power to "force [Fauci] to turn over everything he's been hiding."
"Even better, my good friend Robert F. Kennedy Jr. will be in charge of HHS and happily receive the subpoena for other documents," Paul said. "Do you think he might be happy to turn them over? Merry Christmas and Happy Festivus, Tony."
Paul also set his sights on former Speaker Kevin McCarthy, who was ousted earlier in the 118th Congress. As a result, McCarthy spent tens of millions on primary challengers against members of Congress who voted to vacate the speakership only to fail.
"Speaking of people who got run out of town but won't entirely go away, Happy Festivus to former Speaker Kevin McCarthy!" Paul said. "Kevin spent nearly $30 million trying to defeat conservatives who voted him out last year. But he only won one race when President Trump was also against his target. Basically, he completely and utterly failed. He lost races by 27 and 30 points. Speaker McCarthy proved as bad at running campaigns as he did the House. But he's still on my TV?! WHY?"
That being said, McCarthy was not the only speaker whom Paul called out. Although Speaker Mike Johnson narrowly avoided a government shutdown on Friday, Paul predicts that his speakership may be in jeopardy after the funding fiasco.
"I noted last year that I would be roasting the next speaker and the gang who put him in power by this Festivus," Paul said. "As usual, I am right. I want to be the first to congratulate former @SpeakerJohnson, who will be gone before DC gets warm again."
In the spirit of DOGE, Paul also published a 2024 government waste report that includes a $10,000 grant to support an ice skating show performed by the Bearded Ladies Cabaret focusing on climate change, $20 million on an Arabic spin-off of "Sesame Street," over $30,000 for breakdancing, and over $720,000 on wetland conservation projects for ducks in Mexico.
"I was a one-man DOGE before DOGE was a gleam in the eyes of amped-up tech executives, and new media barons got behind the idea," Paul said as he wrapped up his thread. "Don't get me wrong, I'm VERY happy they're here. I passed along 2,000 pages of waste to Elon Musk and Vivek Ramaswamy in the interest of curbing government waste. Now, they don't have to work too hard to find what I've already found."
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