S A T I R E ? ? ?

President Biden awoke from a long Sunday afternoon nap and walked out to ask his family if he missed anything important while he was asleep.

“That COVID can really make a man sleep. Ha! Well, I’ll be all set for the big rally on Tuesday. So, anything happen while I was out?” asked Biden. “Nothing? Geez, you guys sure are quiet.”

According to sources, President Biden laid down for a nap early shortly after aides asked if he could digitally sign a statement for “no particular reason.”

After a couple hours of sleep, Biden woke up well-rested, though he noted he had a slightly above-average number of missed calls on his phone. “That Hunter. Such a rascal!” said Biden.

President Biden had been assured that nothing of note happened while he was asleep and that he could have a big scoop of ice cream if he would sign just a few statements about Vice President Harris.

Meanwhile the news of his exit, known only to those not named Joe Biden, had spread like wildfire.

“The President has fallen!” cried Democratic party elites joyfully, having seized power. “Yay insurrection!”

According to sources, Democratic party elites have worked tirelessly to overthrow the candidate chosen by voters, using everything from donation boycotts to blackmail.

“It took everything we have, but we have deposed the democratically elected candidate of our party,” said former President Obama proudly. “Democracy has been saved.”

On Monday, MSNBC’s Joe Scarborough was set to explain how some insurrections are actually very good.

Next steps, according to Babylon Bee, are predictable:

__ All “Biden-Harris 2024” campaign shirts will be packed on a big ship and sent to Africa: Standard operating procedure.

__ After Kamala defeats all other combatants, Jill Biden will propose to her: The current First Lady isn’t giving up that easy.

__ Biden will begin plans for “The Joe Biden Center For Kids Who Don’t Hide Cocaine Good”: Like a Presidential Library, only better.

But wait, there’s more.

The mostly infallible National Perspirator has explained what is really happening, according to a post by Thomas Geraghty on social media. Fact checkers from AP, CNN and USA TODAY have not yet commented which is good enough for us. You can take the following account to the bank:

Insiders report that president Biden was recently replaced with an AI clone named: “Brandon.”

Brandon was originally hired as a body double, but has joined a plot and has made several personal appearances posing as the president. The scheme was hatched by the Obamas in a ploy to get Michelle on the Democrat ticket to run for president. It unfolded like clock work, as “Biden” (actually Brandon) dropped out of the race. After this, Brandon was no longer needed, and he was replaced with a AI generated image for television appearances.

The conspirators have had to contend with Kamala Harris who, our sources reveal, is not what she appears to be. Harris, NATIONAL PERSPIRER has learned, is part of a reptilian take-over of the planet. She is really a shapeshifter agent named “Florg Bah” a colonel in the reptile army. These are a race of highly intelligent but ruthless beings who have been secretly invading Earth by surreptitiously replacing the world’s leaders with shapeshifting members of their cold blooded race from the planet Zirkos.

We have been told that the evil beings are very hard to spot. However they have one critical weakness. Since they don’t have a sense of humor, they cannot authentically replicate human laughter. They try to cover this by injecting laughter, but it always sounds hollow, forced and fake because they don’t know when laughter is appropriate.

The next time you hear Harris laugh, take note of what she might be laughing at! You will see that any real cause for mirth is conspicuously absent. But she appears enveloped in uncontrollable hilarity. This is because the reptile invaders, not having a sense of humor, never know when, or when not, laughter would be expected. So they fake it and laugh at odd and inappropriate times.

Other explanations about the current drama in the nation’s capital, while newsworthy, did not meet the Pulitzer Board’s standards for veracity.

  Breaking: Joe Biden just woke up from a long Covid nap