S A T I R E

As disaster response efforts ramped up following the devastation of Hurricane Helene, North Carolina announced it had agreed to purchase several Hunter Biden paintings in return for U.S. aid.

While President Biden had already approved North Carolina’s request to have the crisis declared a “major disaster” and authorized federal assistance, the state’s leaders reportedly [concluded the scale of the disaster was far beyond the standard relief they could expect.]

“We know how things work with this administration,” said North Carolina’s Democrat Gov. Roy Cooper. “While we’re certainly grateful for the president’s willingness to provide us with the assistance we desperately need after the storm, we know it’s better once you grease a few palms and buy some Hunter Biden art. That’s where the real money is.”

Following in the footsteps of Ukraine and other foreign governments, North Carolina expressed hope that shelling out exorbitant amounts of money for Hunter’s paintings would score a few points with “The Big Guy.” ….

“North Carolina will now get whatever they need,” said an administration insider. … North Carolina leaders were also reportedly willing to appoint Hunter Biden to the boards of several powerful corporations.

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