S A T I R E

With the nation anxious about the ramifications of widespread tariffs, President Trump [unveiled his 12-year economic plan, promising that all will be good.

Trump quoted Romans 8:28 to validate his stance: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose.”]

“By the time I’m sworn in on January 20, 2029, all these worries will be in the past,” said Trump.

“It will be the new golden age of America. People will ask if you remember the market crashing in 2025, and you’ll say no, because you’ll be too busy counting all your money. We’re going to be so rich, and so much stronger when I start my third term, it’s going to all be worth it, believe me.”

Though admitting that tariffs may cause temporary market chaos and inflation, Trump remained confident that the short-term pain would lead to an economic boom … by the time his third term started.

Democrats are hoping that the immediate economic effects will hand them victory in the 2026 midterms, but admitted it’s unlikely to increase their chances against Trump in 2028. “We’re really hoping for another Great Depression, but we can’t bank on it,” said Senate minority leader Chuck Schumer. “I’m not sure what else could stop Trump from serving a third, or even a fourth term.”

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  all will be good, Fear not: Trump unveils 12-year plan; By 3rd term