S A T I R E

The upcoming Secretary of Health and Human Services has reportedly ballooned to a horrific 350 lbs after a single bite of McDonald’s.

Sources confirm Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. was bullied into taking a bite of the unhealthy food for a photo op aboard Trump Force One. …

Johnson also told reporters: ‘I think he did actually eat some of the McDonalds, I am not sure if I should say that, but I think he did.’

[Daily Beast reported: “Donald Trump Jr. and House Speaker Mike Johnson put the rumors to rest on Monday, confirming Robert F. Kennedy Jr. did indeed eat the McDonald’s meal in front of him in a picture that went viral over the weekend. … Johnson also told reporters: “I think he did actually eat some of the McDonalds, I am not sure if I should say that, but I think he did.”] …

“I’m hideous!” RFK Jr. allegedly cried after he immediately swelled to a horrifyingly unnatural size, according to the infallible Babylon Bee. He tried to get up and hide himself but he was trapped in his airplane seat by thick folds of fat. “Look at me! I’m a monster! What have I done?” …

Sources say the incoming HHS secretary had initially attempted to resist eating the Quarter Pounder offered to him on Trump’s plane, but was pressured by the other guys. Trump reportedly began chanting, “Eat it. Eat it. Join us, Bobby. It’s the best food, I eat McDonald’s every day, and look how handsome and thin I am. And smart. Just eat it, Bobby.”

“Yeah,” echoed Elon Musk. “We’re all doing it. Don’t you want to be cool?” …

RFK Jr. essentially being hazed here with the McDonalds pic.twitter.com/hH3N8GwkhE

— Andy Kaczynski (@KFILE) November 17, 2024

RFK Jr. relented and is now, according to doctors, morbidly obese and suffering from organ failure. “No one will take me seriously now as Secretary of Health & Human Services,” he lamented. “My life’s work is ruined!”

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  Horrifying: RFK, Jr. says he is ‘ruined’ after being bullied into eating McDonalds

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