The Tourette's campaigner at the centre of the BBC Bafta's race row is hiding a secret heartache - the death of his father, the Daily Mail can reveal.
John Davidson made headlines around the world when he shouted the N-word while black actors Michael B Jordan and Delroy Lindo were on stage to present an award during Sunday's ceremony.
The 54-year-old later said he was 'deeply mortified' by his outburst, which he said had been involuntarily triggered by the neurological condition he has suffered from since the age of 12.
And the BBC was forced to apologise for failing to edit out the racial slur in the TV coverage shown two hours later.
But those present at London's Royal Festival Hall, and the millions more who have since seen footage of the incident on social media, would have been unaware that the campaigner is still grieving the recent death of his father, David Davidson, whose funeral was just a month earlier.
Mr Davidson Sr passed away peacefully at Borders General Hospital on January 2 aged 75 and was laid to rest 18 days later.
The film I Swear shows how John's father struggled to cope with his son's condition and soon left his mother and moved out of the family home.
John and his father were subsequently estranged for many years but are understood to have reconciled more recently and become close again.
John Davidson (pictured with his ex-girlfriend Susan Gibson) made headlines around the world when he shouted the N-word while black actors Michael B Jordan and Delroy Lindo were on stage to present an award during Sunday's ceremony
Pictured: Michael B Jordan and Delroy Lindo present the Special Visual Effects Award on stage during the Bafta Awards on February 22
John Davidson is still grieving the recent death of his father, David Davidson (pictured), whose funeral was just a month earlier. Mr Davidson Sr passed away peacefully at Borders General Hospital on January 2 aged 75 and was laid to rest 18 days later
A friend in his hometown of Galashiels in Scotland said that John had been very affected by his father's death.
The friend told the Daily Mail: 'John attended his father's funeral just a month before the Baftas. He managed to keep his tics in check throughout the service.'
A sign of the reconciliation between John and his father was the request that mourners were asked to make donations to Tourette Scotland - a charity close to John's heart - rather than bring flowers to the funeral.
The friend added: 'It must have been very difficult for John, who is still trying to process the loss of his Dad, and then suddenly he's at the centre of this global news event.'
John is Britain's most high profile sufferer of Tourette syndrome, which causes him to curse loudly, shout insults, and make sudden involuntary physical and vocal tics.
In 2019 he was awarded an MBE by the late Queen for his campaign work in trying to raise better awareness and understanding of the condition - and he famously shouted out 'F*** the Queen' at the ceremony, which gives the film its opening scene.
I Swear follows his life from the moment he first started suffering from Tourette's - soon after starting secondary school.
John's parents, David and Heather, played by Stephen Cree and Shirley Henderson, are both shown as struggling to cope with his worsening condition.
David Davidson is shown as unable to let go of his dreams that John will be a top goalkeeper - John blows a trial for a professional scout as his condition first becomes apparent - and then just withdraws.
And his mother, Heather, seems in denial about his condition and instead calls him an attention-seeking clown and nightly demands that he eat dinner facing away from the family and into the fireplace.
Later John finds alternative matriarch and patriarch figures to mentor him in his home town of Galashiels in the Scottish Borders.
In the 1989 documentary John's Not Mad, John Davidson cut a sad and lonely figure as the cameras followed him around his home town of Galashiels in the Scottish Borders
He went on to become a leading advocate for the condition, which affects one in 100 children
The campaigner became known after featuring in an edition of the BBC documentary series QED called John's Not Mad in 1989
They are former mental health nurse Dottie Achenbach and council employee Tommy Trotter, played by Maxine Peake and Peter Mullan, who both mentor young John more sympathetically than his parents manage and restore his confidence.
With the help of both he uses the local community hall, where he got a job as a caretaker thanks to Tommy, to host events for other Tourette's sufferers from across Scotland - his first steps towards his role as national campaigner.
Davidson has suggested that the reason his parents split in the 1980s is because of the stress of dealing with his erratic behaviour, which would see him swear, spit food and tic uncontrollably at the dinner table.
Writing in his memoir I Swear, My Life with Tourette's, on which the film is based, he wrote movingly about how his childhood just before his symptoms started were the best years of his life.
He remembered watching on proudly as his father - a joiner by trade - played for a local football team in Galashiels and how his family went abroad on holiday for the first time to the Costa Brava in Spain on a coach and ferry from Edinburgh.
But as his condition worsened so did relations with his parents, he described his father as a 'quiet man' who would never raise his hands or his voice but who would instead 'withdraw' to the pub.
Davidson said he rarely saw his father or mother, who died in 2023, much in later life and blamed himself for driving a wedge between them.
He wrote: 'All the years of living with my Tourette's made it hard for them to cope. I get it.
'I don't know how I would have dealt with me as a son, if I'm honest, so of course it took its toll on our relationship. When Tourette's arrived, life took on a different shape for us all.
'I think back to the meals at the dinner table, me spitting food in my family's faces; the calls from the police; the problems at school; the endless doctors' appointments; the rage from other kids' parents. All that upset and stress and the strain of it. Can you imagine what that does to a family?
After the incident broadcast to millions of people, Davidson said he was 'mortified'
'In the end, my parents' marriage just couldn't survive it. I still see them both, and I love them, but though things are much better now than they were, we're not close.
'Sometimes when I can't get to sleep at night, I can make myself go mad with the guilt of it. I think of what Tourette's did to us all, how it ripped through and destroyed what might have been a happy, functional family.
'It's hard for me not to take the blame for it. I carry that weight with me always.'
In the film Davidson is played by Robert Aramayo, who won a surprise Bafta for Best Actor on Sunday over rival contenders Timothée Chalamet and Leonardo Di Caprio.
But it is unknown whether Davidson himself saw Aramayo win the award after he decided to leave the ceremony early following his outburst and several more expletive filled heckles, which were audible on BBC1's initial broadcast of the show but later removed.
The bereavement support charity Cruse said grief can provide particular challenges for neurodivergent people due to the ‘overwhelming nature of funeral services, memorials, or even the quietness of a home after a loss'.
They said the death of his father may have been the catalyst for Davidson's Bafta Awards outburst.
Jordan and Lindo, stars of the movie Sinners, did not react on stage but Baftas host Alan Cumming later told the audience: 'Tourette's Syndrome is a disability and the tics you've heard tonight are involuntary, which means the person who has Tourette's Syndrome has no control over their language. We apologise if you are offended tonight.'
Davidson's actions were not met with universal sympathy, however, and black US actor Jamie Foxx - star of Django Unchained - wrote on social media: 'Out of all the words you could've said Tourette's makes you say that. Nah he meant that s***. Unacceptable.'
Meanwhile, film-maker Jonte Richardson revealed he is stepping down as a Bafta judge over the academy's handling of the incident.
In a statement on LinkedIn, Mr Richardson said: 'After considerable soul-searching, I feel compelled to withdraw from the Bafta emerging talent judging panel.'
A spokesperson for the BBC issued an apology and said: 'Some viewers may have heard strong and offensive language during the BAFTA Film Awards. This arose from involuntary verbal tics associated with Tourette syndrome, and as explained during the ceremony it was not intentional.
'We apologise that this was not edited out prior to broadcast and it will now be removed from the version on BBC iPlayer.'
Davidson's Baftas eruption is not the first time his condition has caused him to yell obscenities in public. He famously shouted 'F*** the Queen' just before he was awarded his MBE.
At age 16, when little was known about Tourette's he was the star of the 1989 groundbreaking BBC documentary John's Not Mad in which he was shown spitting fish and chips at his mother at home, while his father was seen finding it difficult to stay at the dinner table alongside him.
He has continued to appear in a number of follow-up documentaries throughout his life becoming a 'nationally known ambassador for the Tourette's condition' who gives talks and puts on workshops for school pupils and teachers, and has organised an annual two-day residential Tourette camp for young people.
Of his condition, Davidson has said: 'Tourette's is such an awful condition that most of the time I don't want to be the centre of attention. I want to be able to walk down the street and not be noticed because I'm shouting or swearing.'
John and his father were subsequently estranged for many years but are understood to have reconciled more recently and become close again. Pictured: John with his brother William
Charity Tourette's Action said it was 'incredibly proud' of Mr Davidson and those involved in the film I Swear, with a spokesperson adding: 'We also want to address the negative comments that have surfaced following John's involuntary vocal tics during the ceremony.
'We deeply understand that these words can cause hurt but at the same time it is vital that the public understands a fundamental truth about Tourette syndrome, tics are involuntary. They are not a reflection of a person's beliefs, intentions or character.'
John's lifelong friend and former girlfriend, Susan Gibson, spoke up in his defence.
At her home in the town, Susan said: 'With his Tourette's, it is totally involuntary. He will come out and shout things that you are not meant to say.'
John's sister Sylvia McGill: 'It is raw for John and raw for all of us.'
