Where Is James Talarico?

He's Baaaaack! Mr. Talarico Is Ready

Cartoon published 10/12/2026

Twelve days off the trail and the Democratic nominee for Senate in Texas wants us to picture him under a blanket with a mug of soup. Flu. Zoom. Responsible leadership. He is back now, feeling much better, and he would like the ward to quiet down.

The internet said no.

Kamala Harris tried this same playbook in 2024. Stay scarce. Let the ads do the talking. Hope nobody notices what happens when the patient opens his mouth.

The internet noticed the inconsistencies in Talarico's flu story and spoke up.

A story went around that Talarico had been at the Lindner Center of Hope in Ohio. An employee on a taped call sounded like she had just discharged him. The center later said he has never been a patient. Talarico said he has never even been to Ohio.

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So we have a missing person, a flu, a phone call, and a clinic that would like its name back. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, except Nurse Ratched is doing advance work and the candidate is insisting he was only sick with the flu for 12 days.

We are not diagnosing him. We are reading the chart. Here is what it tells us:

In 2021, on the Texas House floor, he informed his colleagues that God is nonbinary. Masculine, feminine, and everything in between. He later called it intentionally provocative. Texas heard it the first time. You do not get a medication adjustment on Genesis because the general election started.

Then the 2022 fundraiser, where he announced his campaign had officially become a non-meat campaign. Vegan products only. Reduce meat to fight climate change. In Texas. Paxton started calling him Tofu Talarico and the nickname stuck.

That is the Democrat playbook for a terrible candidate. Remember Biden hiding in the basement?

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Hide long enough that the news clips go cold. Come back rested. Act shocked that anyone remembers the theology, the barbecue, or the twelve days the podium sat empty. The flu can be real. The calendar is also real. So is the voter who would like to hear the nominee before Election Day, preferably before he explains the gender of the Almighty.

Paxton put out missing posters. Trump said twelve days is a long time to shake a bug. Talarico came back and asked for proof of spine. Cute. The bell already rang. The orderly is in the hall. Please get in line calmly.

Mr. Talarico says he is ready. Nurse Ratched has the medication. Texas has already heard enough.

Vote Red for your future and your children's future~

—The GrrrTeam

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