After former U.S. Representative Jasmine Crockett's appearance last week on Jimmy Kimmel Live, Dr. Henry Higgins announced in a press conference that he has made a wager with Colonel Pickering that he can turn the guttersnipe into a proper lady within a matter of weeks. Polymarket has the odds of the famous linguist winning his bet at 0%. According to inside observers, Rep. Crockett has flatly refused to discuss the rain in Spain, preferring to speak jive. Barbara Billingsley has been brought in to assist. But that's not all that happened last week!
Read on for exclusive headlines you will only see here on the Bee Forum News, because Bee subscribers see things no one else sees and say things no one else is brave enough to say, for some reason. (Title headline by @sdchuck22.)
Top Headlines of the Week - headlines with the most upvotes by forum members:
Nazis Admit Holocaust 1.0 Was Crazy @ruthiej714
The Rich, Young Secretary Of State Walked Away From MAHA, For There Are Pop Tarts @murf
Candidate Who Hates America Vows To Fight For America Every Single Day @kirgol
WNBA Proposes A Two League Solution @dontslowtheearth
WNBA Worried That Their Fan May Stop Watching If Drama Isn't Resolved @yantelope
High Costs In NYC Force Spider-Man To Move To Florida @carolyn1
Gun Owners Have The Right To Remain Silent @bellemask
WNBA Officials Suggest Men Should Play In A Separate League, Perhaps The MNBA @drconservativeprof
ChatGPT Busy Telling 49 Million Students What They Did Over The Summer @twodegreesoff
'Give Me Control Of Other People's Money And I Will Fix Your Problem' -- Every Liberal Ever @littlejedi
Following Fauci's Testimony, The Number Of Babies Being Named Anthony Suddenly Drops To Zero @mjja
Joe Biden Is A Catholic, But His Son Is A Crystal Methodist @baberahamlincoln
Another Socially Awkward Homeschool Girl Doesn't Even Know To Dress Like A Prostitute At Target @lpathehuman
Wisconsinites Not Ready To Cancel Thanksgiving @annafillaxis
Sophie Cunningham Named New White House Press Secretary @coachjoeconway
Sad: Woman Has Been Trying For Years To Buy Grocery Checkout Divider @pure_teej
If You Watch An Eclipse Through A Colander Be Careful — You Could Strain Your Eyes @thecatman
AOC Freezes Her Eggs To Insure That Her Lineage Continues Next Time She Dies @sdchuck22
Sometimes, really great headlines don't make it to the top so here are some of my favorites:
Dr. Henry Higgins Vows To Make Jasmine Crockett Into A Proper Lady @sdchuck22
AOC Asks Doctor How Long It Will Take Her Eggs To Hatch Once She Warms Them Back Up @baberahamlincoln
Model Train Industry In Shambles As Trump Breaks Up Vaccine Schedule @captainadam
AOC Freezes Eggs So She Can Have Children After Climate Change Destroys The Planet @snackplissken
Pastor Sure Your Spiritual Gift Exactly The Same As The Thing They Currently Need Volunteers For @davidjohnson
Apple Unveils 'Baptist Vision Pro' Goggles That Automatically Cover Immodest Women In Denim @pure_teej
Illinois Electoral Votes Included In Bears Move To Indiana, Says Constitutional Expert Turley @waltfla
WNBA Wishes There Was Some Immutable Characteristic That Could Help Them Determine What A Woman Is @farnorth
Bonus - one randomly selected headline:
Do you have breaking news to report? Join us! Who knows, your headline might get published or featured on the Babylon Bee homepage, or it could show up here in our re-cap of the top headlines of the week. Thousands more totally true headlines were posted this week on the forum, but sadly, only Bee subscribers can read them. You did get to read a few, though, so if you have a favorite, please let us know in the comments below.
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